this and/or that

Jege Jen has posted this copy and pastableness, and I feel like answering.

1. Tampons or pads?
Tampons. Unless you’re wiping down a picnic table, then I change my answer to pads.

2. Whom would you most like to kill?
On any given day: The driver in the other car.

3. Would you shoot, stab, or strangle him/her? Discuss.
Those are all too good, I’d come up with a much more painful mechanism then chicken out when I saw the driver getting out of the car.

4. Favorite element?
Beryllium.

5. Top or bottom?
Oh, come on.

6. Favorite fascist dictator?
Donald Trump.

7. Wipe front-to-back or back-to-front?
It depends on what I’m wiping.

8. Burial or cremation?
Burial, at least I have a fighting chance of clawing out if I’m not really dead.

9. Paper or plastic?
Paper in theory, plastic in practice.

10. Divorce or murder?
How about just natural causes?

11. Mini-blinds or granny drapes?
Mini-blinds behind the granny drapes.

12. Do I look fat in this?
No, of course not!

13. Who’s better, the Beatles or the Stones?
I plead the 5th.

14. Don’t you hate it when people say “EYE-talian” instead of “IH-talian”?
Kinda, yah.

15. What kind of siding do you have on your house? Who gives a shit?
Vinyl. Hay cares, like a lot.

16. Favorite PMS remedy?
A coma.

17. Have you ever shot a man just to watch him die? Explain.
No. Have you?

18. What is your most shameful Home Shopping Network purchase? Is it a figurine of some sort? It is? EEEEEWWWWWWW….
I can honestly say I’ve never bought anything from HSN.

19. Stucco or EIFS?
Wait, what?

20. extra mayo or hold the mayo?
Extra.

21. What’s cooler, the quadratic equation or Avogadro’s number?
Avogadro’s number is waaaaay cooler, but less functional.

22. Tesla: heavy metal band or inventor/scientist?
I don’t want to get into this.

23. Who sent this to you, and are they so fucking dead the next time you see them?
No one sent it to me, I was reading comments on Jürgen Nation and saw eM who is one of the Lein girlz posted a comment about piercings so I moseyed on over to read the blog for the first time in many weeks.

24. The Clash: Should they stay or should they go?
They should stay!

25. The one dentist out of ten who hated Trident… man or myth?
Wo-man.

26. Nick and Jessica or Sonny and Cher?
Nick and Jess.

27. Is “Forte” (as in, piano is not my forte) pronounced “Fortay” or “Fort?” And do you really give two shits? Really? Oh. Okay then.
ForTAY. Crissakes.

28. Can you sing all the words to that song by Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam–you know the one where they mispronounce “Que Sera Sera?”
No.

29. Which “Heather” are you? “Tweety”, “Megabitch” or “Corn Nuts”? Explain.
Tweety? I’m not a Megabitch and I definitely would not be mean enough to be poisoned by a Veronica.

30. Most of your time on the computer is spent: a.) doing work, 2.) looking at porn or c.) trying out out-witty your friends and family with mockeries of email chain letters
Well, given the choices I’m gonna go with porn.

31. Do you have a trophy husband who looks like Cary Elwes? You don’t? Well Jege does. Ha ha ha.
Um. He’s my trophy but he looks nothing like Cary.

32. Were you born a poor, black child? I was.
I was born poor and a child.

33. Have YOU found YOUR “special purpose?” Cite examples.
No. Far from it.

34. Cheney, Rumsfeld, Bush: Axis of Evil or Trio of Idiots?
Cheney and Rumsfeld are the Axis of Evil, Bush is the Solo of Idiot.

35. Which best describes you? a.) Trump’s “You’re Fired” b.) Flo’s “Kiss My Grits” c.) This plate of mashed yeast.
B.

6 comments

  1. Bearette24 says:

    Actually, I read that it’s pronounced fort-ay when it’s used as a direction in music; but the e is silent when you’re talking about a strength. My source: An Incomplete Education (written by a Yale grad and a Smith grad who decided to find out about everything).

  2. Bearette24 says:

    I think I’ll steal this for my blog. I’ll take out Question #1 because my husband Hates. That. Stuff.

  3. t~ says:

    I loved this one! The questions were totally comical & i loved your answers to 3 & 8. course for 8 i wondered if the “appearance” of natural causes would still be classified as murder…

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