Here we go! The best of the best in my little world are awarded greatness in 30 categories:
2. Best Entertainment Blog Whose Keeper Knows Me by Name
This one is a tie because of Tug.
Bonnie at Heroine Sheik is a shoe in. She and I played Scrabulous for a while on Facebook, so she literally does know my name. Who doesn’t love a blog about sex and gaming? She also does gamecakes, which is just so fucking cool I can’t fucking stand it. Last, but not least, she’s currently living in France. … Yah. She fucking rocks.
But then Tug pulled out the obvious — Cereal Wednesday. And please excuse the fact that I am a newly contributing member there, because I assure you it is an honor to get to post there, but Dawg is the blogebrity there, not me. I’m just an unpaid staff member who’s forced to do the healthy cereal reviews. Just call me Mikey… And I’ve actually met Dawg IRL, so… yah, duh. He deserves to win this one.
3. Best Movie Reviews
Overall goes to Amanda in Real Life. She gives fantastic yet succinct reviews, such as her review of Cloverfield in which she doesn’t ruin the ending but compels you to go see the film.
And, ironically, the best single movie review goes to Dawg for that same movie, which explains why he wins one of the categories farther down. His review of Cloverfield was longer than the entire movie, but makes you really think.
5. Best Overall Concept Blog
I wonder if anyone, including the blogger himself is going to see this one coming. I thought long and hard about this award and then while I was doing laundry today the striped leggings from his Media label stuck in my mind and I knew I had my winner: It’s RW from 1 Step Beyond. He totally revamped his site a while back to be more concept driven. He calls the sections Topics, but to me and my brain they’re Concepts, and for this one blog award a visual aid is necessary:
The concepts are clear, concise, easy to understand, but varied. RW strikes a perfect balance of rhetoric and whimsy, and I’m always left feeling like I just had a fantastic bottle of wine and a full-flavored cigar when I leave his site.
6. Best Photos
Girl, Dislocated pulled in an over-the-wire vote: “Yes, I can read. Voting closed at noon. But I couldn’t move for a few hours, and now that I can, I just wanted to say … #6 should go to NYCWD.” Ironically, this is one of the few awards I actually didn’t have a winner chosen for. But … she’s right. Dawg posts a lot of it to his blog, but rather than listing individual posts I’ll just link you to the collection so that I don’t have to keep trolling his site.
can cannot only be one. Miss Britt, your guacamole has finally reigned supreme, and won you an award. (How mad is Avi right now that your guacamole won over his fried foods, his Halloween party, his JIGSAW PHOTOS?! Probably pretty mad. Hmm.
7. Best Post About Cats
Fab jokingly nominated himself for this post, but then someone else did too. He wins this, hands down, for Are animal rights as important as human rights? (Alternate title: Which is more important, me or a busload of cats?) And, Fab, sweetie, really… still choosing the busload of cats as safe.
But since that post doesn’t actually have any cats in it, just theories about the value of life, I must also grant a kitty mommy the honor of this award. Miss Ann perfectly chronicles her furry children and… um, then she mentions the kids she likes less than the others. Bad kitty mama for having favorites!!! :winks:
8. Best True Story
Avi’s story about his dad’s car being on fire sticks in my mind, so he wins this category. The post is really funny and really well written, as well as the story itself being hilarious. This happened to my mom once, but … um, it’s not funny to me that my mom almost died in a car fire. The way Avi tells the story of his dad almost dying in a car fire is funny, so now I can laugh about a car fire. Thanks!
There are other true stories that are much more serious which deserve to tie in this category, but I have trouble drawing attention to the tragedies of others for the purposes of my made up awards ceremony. So, no ties!
9. Best Use of Profanity in a Blog Post
Avi wins this one for Starcocks because the words “starcocks” and “chickenfucker” amuse me to no end. And because ACW graciously passed the crown by saying “Avi can have this one this year.”
11. Greatest Blogger from…
Gainesville, FL: Fab from Pointless Drivel (he was nominated!)
Orlando, FL: Avi from Avitable (he nominated himself)
Baltimore, MD: ACW from AnonymousCoworker (he also nominated himself)
Frisco, TX: Abs from The Absurdist (she nominated Fab)
12. Guiltiest Blog Pleasure
For me it’s a personal tie between a celebrity blog and a whatever-the-fuck-I-wanna-post blog.
What Would Tyler Durden Do? wins for celebrity blog. Every time I feed read that site my mind says, in a perfectly pitched voice, “what would Tyler Durden do?” and then I go on about my business of reading truly genius posts about the lives of those more fortunate in money but, honestly, pretty much less fortunate in anything else.
And then there’s Say No to Crack which (correct me if this just isn’t possible) I believe I found by visiting NPW’s blog. Or maybe it was Aaron’s. Or maybe it was some random guy in Tacoma. I dunno, I just know that every time I read this site I giggle maniacally and then feel like I need to take a shower. Wheee!
13. Laziest Blogger
Geek from A Slice of Geek wins this one. I checked with him ahead of time because I hate offending people over awards. He let me know he believes this is an accurate reflection of him. I think Tense might disagree? Maybe? But, anyway, he’s happy he won an award, so yay Geek!
Edit: Please let it be known that I did NOT give this award to Dawg. He fessed up to hacking one of his OWN awards so he could create his own graphic of this award for his site. Sigh. SIGH! Leave it to Dawg to win 14 million awards because everyone thinks he’s so awesome but he steals the ONE award he wasn’t given. Geek? You should be pissed.
14. Most Prolific Blogger
This one I had considered in a very different way originally. I was thinking about how I post, and interpreted “prolific” in the frequency sense. But Tug blew mind and made me think about it in terms of proliferation in individual posts, so there is a tie:
Post frequency - BelchSpeak. Pat posts so many times a day that sometimes I get annoyed with him. And then I remember it’s because I’m just like him. Heh. :grins:
Post length and depth and breadth - A Pile of Dog Bones. Dawg can go on and on and on and on and (on) about things you really just didn’t know people could go on and on and on and (etc.) about. He is a writer, after all, so this should be expected. Even with the long ones I’m sad there’s no more to read when I’m done reading a post.
15. Best Blog That References Guitar Hero
The blog of whall wins this one. Wayne and I are kindred Guitar Hero spirits. But, no, I don’t want to play GH online with people, including you. :pfft: I like to rock out alone or while standing directly next to Break Boy. But I actually think about Wayne when I’m playing, and about his blog, and about Jaden rocking out too, so Wayne deserves to win this category.
16. Funkiest Blog
Duh. Aaron’s blog, Funky Carter! It’s pretty funky over there. (Showering might be nice…)
17. Best Blog with a Foreign Title
Maman des Filles wins this one hands down. Her blog entertains me. It even incites me to anger. Often. Merci, Maman!
18. Best Library Blog
And the winner is, of course, Musings of a Semi-Coherent Mind. In all fairness, NPW gave me the wording for this category. So, while the blog isn’t actually a library blog, it is a blog about a librarian, and she still wins. So, there. NPW, you rule the school. And library. (OMG, I’m lame. *snort*)
19. Best Grammar and Spelling Blog
Oh, please. Is there ever going to be a blogger who outdoes Stef from Stefanie Says? Probably not. So, congrats on winning two years in a row!
But, it’s a tie. Because you know another deserves this award too: Tense Teacher is a teacher, after all, and she has perfect grammar and spelling. She expects the same out of her kids. Too bad the goobers don’t deliver. :grins:
20. Best Food Porn Blog
Maman’s blog Gastronerds and Sara’s blog i like to cook both tie for delicious food porn recipes and photos. I’m sorry I can’t say more, my brain is busy overdosing on food-induced endorphins.
21. Best Blogger Advocate for Kids to Not Be Raped by Slutty Teachers
Pat at BelchSpeak for his Why Homeschool? series hits this award out of the park, and, really, into space. Pat is a fellow IT Guy, but it’s his series about teachers who get sent to jail for molesting their students that make me proud of him. I don’t appreciate molestation, neither does he, and he publicizes the shit out of those horny pedophilic bitches (‘scuse my French). Go, Pat! And, more of those LOLcat-style molester photos, please!!!
22. Best Post About Lima Beans, Brain Lint, and Grandma, Dammit!
Well, ok, to be fair, this category was made for a particular blogger so, of course, Stef from Stefanie Says wins this one, hands down. A special shout-out to her grandma who passed away before she could accept this award with Stef.
23. Best Foreign Language Post on a Predominantly English Blog
This one goes to Lisslo for her post ¡qué divertido! in which her Spanish class role plays her explaining to her husband Ryan that she was in a car accident. My favoritest line of that post: La Profesora: ¡Ella corta a él con las tijeras…que violento! [She cuts him with scissors! How violent!] THAT is comedic genius in (my) non-native language.
24. Fucking Perfect Post!
I am pretty sure I awarded this to NPW or someone else in her comments, but I can’t remember who, and that shames me to no end. If you remember who you are please step forward and tell me. That said, here are a few fucking perfect posts:
Avi for his post about my birthday
Bdogg for her three part series about exacting revenge upon her cheating ex: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
CP for her blog friends post
Dawg for his post where he tries to convince
me the world he’s a dweeb
SourPuss for her Liar, Liar Coffee-Truck Driver post (LIAR.LIAR.LIAR.LIAR.LIAR.LIAR. *giggle*)
25. Best Stupid Husband Tricks Post
Another tie, but only because blood makes me almost pass out, if not actually pass out.
Non-bloody winner: Miss Britt for her post about highlighting her husband’s hair using a bonnet.
Bloody winner: Chicka for her post about having to take her husband to the hospital because he cut himself with an axe. AN AXE. *FAINT*
…20 minutes later…
uh. heh. hi. I’m ok now.
Yours in Christ,
No one expects a movie review to end with Jesus.
27. Best Thinker Post about Necrophilia
Did anyone think someone other than ACW for his post about being introduced as the necrophilia guy would win? Yah, me either. Nice job, ACW. And, um, I miss you already even though you’re not gone yet. *sniffle*
28. Overall Awesome Blog
I have to go with Chris Cactus. He does haiku on Mondays, has beautiful photos of his family, does a Friday recap of his week that always contains a question for his readers to think over and answer, and the man somehow was able to listen to music, read books, get his list of “hurry up before the next baby shows up” things done, and spend quality time with his family, all while working an IT security job while his second kiddo was about to enter the world. I have no idea how he was able to accomplish that, and I must acknowledge his overall greatness. Mr. Cactus, you and your blog are overall awesomeness.
Also, Dawg. He does a fantastic weekly roundup series of the best blog posts, he posts about whatever is on his mind, he actually writes out thoughtful posts that I’m sure take a lot of research but he never brags about how much time posts actually take him, he shares all about life in the big city which seems to always be exciting and drama filled, he posts awesome photos such as this one, and he posts a lot of lists, I’ve mentioned before, lists amuse me. I would also like to point out that there are paws all over his blog and I :pinkpuffyheart: paws. Sure, he’s a dog and I’m a cat, but… paws are paws.
29. Untitled Category Because Poppy Wanted to Award a Poppy Award
Tug asked for this award because I’m not a man so she can’t marry me. The part about me not being a man is true; the part about her technically being able to marry me isn’t exactly true. But, ya know, we won’t be getting married so as a consolation gift I give her my undying love in Poppy Award form. Yay, Tug!
30. Best Tagline
Funky Carter: “more fun than a mall full of zombies”. In case this was not made clear since day one of this blog, I love zombies. I also love taglines. Combine them and that makes me think you have the best tagline. :smiles:
And there ya have it. If you didn’t win something I forbid you to be sad, mad, unhappy, or any other negative emotion. I permit you to be happy for the winners, though! If you won something please email me if I’m in your email address book or use my contact page if not and I will email you back with your own personalized Poppy Award graphic(s).
I produce them on the fly, because if you don’t contact me I never make you one, so you need to contact me in order for me to generate a custom graphic for you. K? thx. bai. There are graphics ready for every award! Yay! And congratulations to all the winners!
Note: Because I’m nice and gracious and stuff, I made a page that concisely lists this year’s winners. Go there if you like, but I just spent a bazillion hours picking winners and writing this post so it’d be nice if you read it a little.