It gets a little deep at the end, so up front: Here are pictures!
Dawg and I got up Saturday morning to make the trip. Of course we’d packed nothing whatsoever the night before, so we packed all we had to pack then loaded up my car and headed to the gas station then to 7-11 for snacks.
We drove and drove and drove and then we saw three Cracker Barrels in a row and waved to them and thought, “well, it’s too early to eat, we’ll wait until the next one” then 46 miles later we realized that we were in VT and there would be no more. We tried a Bickford’s but it was closed so we settled on a Circle K stop in Springfield, VT where we got Subway sandwiches.
We finally arrived to Break Boy and Knitting Girl’s home and I promptly got the car stuck in their driveway. I iz uh geenyus. We unloaded all of our stuff and then we nested. Or, whatever it is when it’s negative degrees outside and you just stay inside and snuggle with your friends’ children and eat yummy tofu wraps and laugh a lot.
The next day we got up and had breakfast then we got the car shoved out of the spot it was in and went to my brother’s home. He has Legos! And Star Wars! And my niece! And Kung Fu Panda! My brother wondered what I would say about him here. I love my brother to tiny little pieces, reconstituted back into his whole self, and then tinied again. What would I say here? I am so glad he and Dawg get along famously. I am so glad they can so easily talk to each other about any subject. I am so glad two people I care about that much don’t hate each other. And my brother gives the awesomest Christmas presents:
I gave him one roll of Booberry fruit roll-up and a box of Frankenstein fruit roll-up. Oh, and a long time ago I sent him a mash-up poster of photos from his birthday party this past summer. I guess that counts as something.
And then we went with Sonja and Lucian (I’ve known them since preschool!!!!, *cough*) to see Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. Remember when Kate Beckinsale is told in the second Underworld movie that her dad killed her family, not the Lycans? Yah, I don’t think we needed a whole movie about it, but that’s what we got. As we well know, even premiere weekends of movies in Vermont are dead, dead, deadski, so there were perhaps 20 more people in the theater besides us. And, for whatever reason, during the previews the sound was turned down. During the movie the sound was still turned down. I went out and mentioned it. Five minutes later another person went out and mentioned it. Apparently the person in control of the sound was being an asshat and turned it up so high that every S-sound out of the mouths of the characters stung our ears. Sooo, I went back out and said, “a few of us complained that the sound was too low. Now it’s too high and is hurting our ears. Somewhere in the middle would be perfect, thanks” then walked away. A minute later the volume was as it should have been. Yup, there’s New Yorker in me. Anyway, back to the movie: meh. But I did spend the entire movie wondering if Kevin Grevioux also did the voice of the evil overlord in 300 but he did not.
We then went to visit my dad and stepmom. We had a grand old time getting to their home with no four-wheel drive or snow tires during a surprise white-out blizzard (gaaah) and then when we got there they were very happy to see us!!!!, but then my stepmom dropped the bomb questions to which I had to just answer “we have no current plans” because what the hell else are you supposed to say when your stepmom point blank says “they don’t count” when you point out that she’s already a grandmother by my brother and that I have three furry children.
When we got back to home base Knitting Girl was reknitting a hat for the third time, but this time she was making that hat into mittens. She had built a fire and it felt so toasty warm so I was ready for bed 10 minutes after getting home.
In the morning we packed up the car then went to get Dawg a coffee and gas for the car then we went to the grocery store to buy maple bacon, among other things. Then I got a soda from McDonald’s to prepare for what came next…
We went to my old place of employment and had a very surreal time. We found Break Boy’s office open but no one in his seat, in fact no one in their seats in his entire group. And then we went downstairs to see if da Bomb or PiC were down there, which they weren’t but I knew what that meant. And then we went to the cafe and Dawg got chewed out for stealing me away. And then we went to the location where da Bomb was, who I was looking very much forward to seeing and catching up with, but who happened to be there but the one client I could have gone the rest of my life without seeing. It was, apparently, my fault that when I left 6 months ago I didn’t force my employer to make a plan for my replacement and carry through with it so that’s why 6 months later he ironically had just lost all the data on his computer because he couldn’t be bothered to back up his own data which is the very last thing I showed him how to do. Guess what, asshat? I wasn’t there for you today. I was there to see my friends, my family, people who love and care about me. You need to grow the fuck up, shut up, own up, take responsibility for your own actions, and if you ever speak to me again it better be something about how I am and how my life is and gee isn’t it pretty outside even though it’s cold. Or else I’m dragging your ass to neutral ground and I’m kicking it. Fucker. And then we tried to go see PiC but he was very ill so was in hiding blowing his nose with tree splinters and then we tried 4 times to park at my old building so that I could visit the woman who gave me Georgie, but parking at my employer sucks urinal cakes so that never worked out. And then we went to see my brother to give him the key I’d forgotten to bring with me the day before.
And then we went to a convenience store at which Dawg had a very horrible conversation with a nasty woman who insulted and assaulted him verbally, but then gave him as much change back as was the total of his purchases because Vermont Barbie says: “Math Is hard!”
And then we finally went to Cracker Barrel!!!! I really love their country lotta meat salad with blue cheese dressing. Yummy… But I didn’t care for their bathroom. It forced me to touch everything in it and there was bluegrass music playing that I knew but it sounded like someone recorded stomping their foot to the beat over it and it was very unsettling while I tried to pee. I mean, c’mon, I’m not in the bathroom to listen to someone stomp through the ceiling. But I had a good dinner.
And then we went and got Chinese food (Happy New Year!) and 7-11 soda and went home.
When I got home I cried because it is hard to build a new life for yourself. It is hard to start over at 34. It is hard to realize that all you built where you grew up has to be rebuilt by you and you alone in a much more concentrated amount of time than 34 years. It’s hard to not worry that showing your vulnerability won’t backfire on you. It’s hard to feel worthy of this new life. It’s hard to think you are worth the trouble, especially after being told for so many years in the past that your worth and the amount of trouble you caused were polarly opposite in the very wrong directions. It’s not insurmountable to get past these thoughts and make a new life, but sometimes it pushes me over my edge and tears are necessary. And Dawg is always there to hug me and be there for me and cuddle me and tell me he loves me. And I should be there for me too. So I will be.
It was quite the fun trip!
It was also very pretty… and quite chilly… but hey… I survived!!!
Vermont Barbie *SNORT* Yeah… she deserved her drawer being shorted after spewing her venom on me when all I did was ask for something they actually did sell.
I :pinkpuffyheart: you… and am happy you chose me to be in your new life with you.
You’re amazing. That is all.
I love your ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ figurine. I have a mural from the book on my classroom wall. Glad you had a good visit.
Sounds like you had an awesome time. And i thought I was cold! brrrr!
Starting over at 34 is not that bad. I did it at 37. Its making the do-over count that’s hard.
Sounds like a fun trip for the most part.
(Please tell me you really DID chew that former client out like that. For it would be glorious)
I find your mothers questioning rather insensitive and premature, all things considered.
As for rebuilding… You’re not really starting from scratch. You’ve got the foundation laid down with a good job, a place to live, a wonderful man by your side… And most importantly, all that you built within yourself is still there. The things that nobody can ever take away are the most difficult and vital ones to build. Your experiences, the hardships, the joys, all the things you learned. Those are your pillars and those are your tools.
I’m sorry, I should’ve said stepmother‘s questioning. You probably value the distinction.
Hopefully this year will be that year for me like last year was that year for you. Already made some HUGE changes yesterday….the momentum has started.
Is the *cough* from when you snuck up behind the bookshelves and made out without knowing what making out was? And got mono? And stayed at home in bed for 10 days?
No? Maybe that’s just me.
Can I call you Poppykins? Because I want to hug you and call you Poppykins.
Hi Poppy. I have been lurking for a while now, but this post compelled me to say something.
I think your starting a new life is brave. I sit here and think that I don’t know that I could do what you have done. I think you have done an awesome job and I have enjoyed reading about your new life in NYC with Dawg and your furkids.
Good on you Poppy. You are a strong, brave woman!
Wow… I wish I could just get it all out like that!
First of all….you are an incredible person. It IS hard to start a new life in your 30s. I started a new life at 37, and brought 4 little people with me.
But I just want to say that you clearly have done an awesome job starting over, and a very sweet man to start over with (love his comment).
AND (to round out this Poppy lovefest), you look very pretty in the $50 picture below.
J.
Popstar, what you did was beyond awesome. You followed your heart and look what you got. Of course it wasn’t easy, but it was worth it and so, my dear, are you. Oh so worth it.
P.S. – That salad sounds GOOOD.
Awww, Poppy. I think you’re handling everything just perfectly. It’s only natural to get some tears going now and then.
I want to give you a big hug, too.
Even 3-4 years into my marriage, I would cry every time I came back home from a visit with my family. My whole life centered around them and my life that I had spent years building in the same town. So yeah, I totally get it.
Great post…. many details about your trip… is that a “Where The Wild Things Are” toy? There’s a new movie coming out here soon.
Moving from home…. Once I left home, I never really looked back. I was able to spend some time with my mom before she passed away, which was nice and going through all of the things she kept for me brought back a lot of memories and thoughts. And I do miss the area I grew up in (Orange Country, Calif.) but it’s changed a lot since I was there. Not sure if I would want to move back and try to adjust after being away for 20 years.
Regardless of all that, you seem like you are in a good place, esp. with Dawg with you… always nice to share your new life with someone great.
Yeah. It is hard.
XO
When I was pregnant, I constantly craved a Hardees Frisco Burger. We saw tons and tons of Hardees along the way to Georgia but I kept saying I wanted to wait until we were actually in Georgia because delayed gratification is always the best kind, right? Well – after planning this trip to Georgia for two months and thinking about Hardees and seeing Hardees every six miles or so – we go there to get me a frisco burger and they said that they don’t make them anymore! I’ll admit it – I cried.
*Turns out – they still do. That bitch lied to me. I almost drove back to Georgia to kick her ass. Also – just so you know – the Cracker Barrel in Fort Benning, GA SUCKS.
Another time – on a drive to Tennessee, still pregnant here, I wanted Steak N Shake. We saw tons of them and I said “Okay – next Steak N Shake, we are stopping.” Guess what? That was the last Steak N Shake on the whole trip. I’ll admit it – I cried then too.
Wow. That was a long comment. But I got lost in memories of my beloved Frisco burger and forgot to say that I’d really like to kick the ass of whoever made you feel like you were not the most awesome person in the world. Because you so are.
xoxo
Good to see you can go home again, but here is where you belong.
Welcome back.
I had one of those moments last week–I know how hard it is.
I see the two of you together and I see that you are ‘home’
Don’t ever underestimate your awesomeness and worthiness, my Poppyfriend. And, like Dawg, I’m so happy to be part of your new life, too, even if I don’t get to sleep with you.
The “Where The Wild Things Are” figure is an ornament. Hallmark really knows how to rake in the dough on sentimentality. They always have great things both current and from your childhood.
It was good to see you Sis and to meet person who makes you happy. Maybe next time you come we will have more time to play with the legos!
Oh, and the booberry rollup was a tasty treat and I don’t even like rollups. Definitely gift worthy!
I think that sometimes you don’t realize how much you have grown until you visit where you were from.
That is my mote of wisdom for the day.
I have no wisdom for you cause I am mostly right where you are. Especially because I am contemplating change myself- not relationshipwise, but perhaps jobwise. I think that is why we understand each other so well. I am glad you have Dawg now to help you through this time of change. You are a very wiry Poppy and will be just fine. I have the utmost confidence in you, and I love these kind of posts where you really lay things out. They are very REAL.
Chilly time of year to go to Vermont.
Sometimes I feel like your last paragraph, except without the hugging, cuddling and love of another person. And being a year older.
And phooey to the fur babies not counting. But I guess family is good at giving that kind of pressure. Overall, it sounds like a fantastic visit.