Archive | March 2011

He broke up with me.

Mar31

Things have been different lately. We’ve both been busy and short with each other and not spending a lot of time together and bickering over stupid stuff and just not… connecting.

Tonight I was PMSing and hungry at the same time. I texted him from the train that I was making spaghetti for dinner but he never answered my text. When I tried to call him his phone went to voicemail. I was waiting for him instead of scarfing down carbs because I was being NICE.

No phone call to tell me he’d be later than usual. He walked in the door, didn’t even say hi to me, just went right to the bedroom, took off his socks and threw them on the floor, and went to bed.

Twitter was excited to see him but he pushed her off him so she jumped down and grabbed one of his socks. IN HER MOUTH.

I FUCKING HATE FEET and dirty socks are nasty and make me want to hurl, and here’s my cat, “OUR” cat, with his fucking dirty ass sock in her mouth. She now has FUNGUS mouth. So I am in this instant fit of PMS hungry rage, yelling at him to wake up and pick his fucking socks up off the floor, that he’s giving our KID a DISEASE with his nasty ass fucking socks and we start going at it. How he’s not happy. How all I ever do anymore is yell at him. How he’s sick of pretending like it’s ok. How this isn’t the kind of home he wants to live in. How I’m not the person I used to be.

He put his work clothes back on and told me he’d be back for his stuff this weekend. And he just left… No door slam, just a quiet close and lock of the door behind him and he hasn’t been back or called or texted or emailed or walked back through the door so we could make up.

I mean nothing to him. I was just comfortable. And when I became too big of a pain in his ass he left me.

For where… I shouldn’t care, but I hope it’s his mom’s house and not… ican’tevensayit.

I have been crying for hours, feeling sorry for myself and lost and alone and STUPID for dropping my entire life in Vermont to move to an apartment in a neighborhood that can’t fucking stand me and all I ever do is go to work then go home then sit on the couch and veg just like I always did in Vermont and how is this ANY different, and this guy I MOVED HERE FOR FUCKING DUMPED ME OVER SOCKS.

Three years, two months, and one sock in Twitter’s mouth.

Down the drain.

I give up on relationships.

Good thing I love my job, since I’m still on probation and have to make it through tomorrow because I have no time off.

I hate this feeling… it sucks so bad.

ugh. :(

green

Mar14

You know we love our kitties, and they are our furry kids, and I worry about them way too much, so I got the brilliant idea to cook our green parsley topped pot roast in the crockpot overnight while we slept so that we didn’t have to cook it while we were away from home for 12 hours today. That way if the apartment burned down we either rescued everyone or all went together. Morbid, but it makes me feel better to be around just in case. The bonus: We woke up to an amazing roast aroma. Extra bonus: Because I needed to hurry up and reheat it, I sliced the roast into pieces, then “boiled” them in their own gravy. Amaaaaaaaazing. We had Yukon mashed potatoes (from a box) and Pillsbury garlic butter crescent rolls (totally worth the garlic breath) with it.

Oh my goodness. To stop the rumor mill ahead of the rumor, I’m not preggers, with child, cooking a bun in my oven. I am lactose intolerant. I tend to eat a lot of fat free dairy and super aged cheese so that the lactose is lessened or completely void. Yesterday I had half and half, cottage cheese, fresh ricotta, fresh mozzarella, and ice cream. All in the same day. I spent all morning wishing I was knocked unconscious while the bad stuff oozed out of me and a nursemaid cleaned my bum.

Yup. I said it.

The best part was that I had to go to work today. And not only did I have to work my job, but I actually had to be the star of a video. Yes, my job lends itself to the occasional creative moment. I get to write fun content, I get to be in videos. I get to stand up in front of entire audiences and make bold but friendly statements. So, I was feeling extremely green but had to smile for the camera, so I had some crackers for lunch and then didn’t eat anything more all day. And I wore a headband. Can’t wait to see that video when it’s edited. (I’m not the one editing it. wah.)

I took the step to text my friend from my last job to ask what our St. Patrick’s Day plans are going to be. (Suggestion: Don’t go drinking with your new work buddies while you’re still on probation at your job. Another suggestion: Don’t call it probation like I’m a fucking criminal. One of those two things is in my control, the other isn’t.) She told me to come show up to their neck of the woods and she’d make sure something happened. This Thursday I fully expect to have my first green beer ever. And since Dawg will be on the isle of Man with me, working an event, I’ve asked him to drive me home if I don’t think I should go there myself. I’m old, I can handle approximately 3 beers and then it’s seriously bedtime, so I’m hoping not to be slipped secret vodka in my beers when I visit the ladies’ room.

I have no ending. I just like green.

in kind

Mar8

Whenever I can I perform acts of kindness for strangers. A period of unemployment certainly helped to remind me of my love for this action, and I am grateful that my new job location allows me to have almost daily opportunities to help people I will probably never see again.

If I helped you today, even just through my words, please pay it forward to someone else in need. Thanks. :)