I don’t know what’s happened to me lately, but I’ve let myself get out of control with being a Grumpy Old Lady.
Today I’d finally had enough of myself and googled how to not hold grudges. This led to a search about forgiving (myself and others), letting go of resentment, and the health benefits of being a nicer person.
I know a lot of you who know me think I am a nice person. The problem with that for me is that the nicer someone tells me I am the more destructive I want to be to that image, because it’s built into my character to resist you.
I don’t want to not be me, but I also don’t want to nitpick my boyfriend to death with shit that doesn’t matter when he *NEVER* says one bad word about me to me or to others.
Tonight I asked him to help me be nicer. Tonight I said, “do me a favor. If I’m being mean please say to me ‘you’re being mean.’”
I have too many excuses for why I let myself be mean: I am hungry, I am tired, I am premenstrual, I am a woman, I have to stay hard for the city, I work too hard, I’m bored, someone did me wrong.
Life’s too short for excuses, so I’m going to try not to make them anymore, and just be happy.
Today I downloaded nature sounds for me to listen to on my iPod Touch and my work computer, sounds that I used back in 7th grade to center myself, to meditate, to bring me from the dark to the happy light.
Join me or don’t, but I’m going to try to be happy again.
Best of luck to you, dearest Poppy! Knowing you are happy makes me happy.
Why did I read your line of “staying hard for the city” make me think of Biggie for some reason?
It’s said that happiness is a choice; I believe that to be true. It does, however, require a bit of practice. I promise that it is totally worth it. XO
Robin thought of Biggie, and I thought of Stevie Wonder! I can’t stay in a bad mood when I crank up some Stevie Wonder!
I have total PMS now, so I am not the right person for this post, but you are a person – full of all the ranges of emotions we all are, I guess. I just happen to like your particular mix.
My word choice was not intentionally reminiscent of anyone but myself, but glad it inspires you to think of good music.
I think the nature sounds and letting go of resentment are the most forward moving parts of this for me. Not giving myself permission to be unhappy is also going well.
I think this is a worthy pursuit.
I think that’s wonderful, Poppy. I know what you mean. I can get into funks and be snappish, etc., and I don’t like myself much either when that happens. I’ve been working on the same thing, so I wish you well!
And kiss that wonderful man of yours.
I hope you find your happy! Sometimes I have to make a conscious choice to be happy, and there are times that takes more work that I wish it would, but happiness usually wins out in the end.
Damnit, why do I keep missing these posts when they pop up in my feeds? I have too damn many of those, I guess.
I did not really notice you not being nice, but I could definitely tell that you seemed frustrated by and angry at people. How much those people contributed to it, I couldn’t say. In any case, being angry and destructive all the time is a problem to which I’m certainly no stranger. I can’t claim that I’ve found a solution. All I seem to find are distractions. But sometimes, that seems to be good enough.