thirteen

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I don’t know who this d.j is because I can’t find a source, but I definitely know which DJ has been on my mind so I am taking this as a sign to tell you about my day.

Today he would have been 13. A teenager. To celebrate him we walked through an accumulation of two feet of snow to his gravestone. I got a bit of Vermont inspiration and sat down in the snow, curled up a snowball in my bare hands, and threw it a bit to the right of his stone, in a playful snowball fight way.

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It was snowing pretty hard so we didn’t release balloons today. Instead we decided to go see the LEGO movie then go home, cuddle with each other and the girls, and have birthday cake and ice cream while watching TV.

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I have sensed DJ’s presence a lot lately which was part of the reason I freaked out in both my psychiatrist’s and therapist’s office last week, because even though this is the 7th time his birthday has come and gone without him here my level of anxiety anticipating the day doesn’t lessen. This year was the smoothest though, perhaps because we were low key about the day and really celebrated him in our choice of activities.

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A tiny bit bitter, mostly sweet day.

This entry was posted in Life.

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