My head doctor was so impressed with my improvement after one month of taking a lovely little magical brain balancing pill that she told me we only need to meet every other month, except this time when she wanted to see me again in a month to make sure that I was still doing well two months in. I will see her for my third session this coming Tuesday. I am still doing really well almost every day.
If I told you all the changes in me you wouldn’t believe that I started feeling them almost immediately after I started taking those pills.
I feel normal.
I had no idea how flipping messed up I was before. I didn’t even know what normal felt like until I felt it. Now, two months into taking these pills, feeling normal is normal to me. Not feeling like my brain is constantly humming is my new normal.
At the last session almost a month ago my therapist looked into my eyes and said “the frozen food aisle is not for us”. Since she was right about giving me a magical pill to make me feel better I figured she knew what I shouldn’t be eating. I used to almost exclusively eat frozen dinners at lunchtime five days a week. Now I don’t touch that stuff. I always eat fresh food at lunch — salads, gazpacho, egg white omelettes from fresh & co., sandwiches that are made from fresh, organic ingredients. Also, I decided to eat breakfast every day after never, ever, evereverever consciously choosing to eat breakfast for my entire life. I now have oatmeal for breakfast every day that I can and a piece of fruit. I drink water. I drink milk sometimes too, and I do have 8 ounces of Diet Coke at lunch (I know, I tried quitting and got right back into the habit and I just haven’t formed a healthier habit quite yet to erase this one) and also I am hooked on Ben & Jerry’s ice cream because it’s hot.
But count all the good stuff in that paragraph.
Also, I don’t stare out the window and wonder what it would feel like to jump out of it (not that I would ever do that). And I also don’t obsess over when I can drink some alcohol “like an adult” and then feel shame that I drank it. And I also talk with my boyfriend about stuff on my mind every day instead of assuming he is too busy or disinterested to want to know about my life.
There are some days where I feel extremely anxious and out of control, and then I know there’s something extra stressful going on that I need to pinpoint so I can get through it without going off the anxiety deep end. It’s pretty awesome to manage that and be able to talk it through and think it through and not need to avoid it by self sabotaging in any way an anxious person might choose in order to avoid the reason for the anxiety.
I am a work in progress and very happy with where I’m taking myself.