Archives

I love you, world! And other stuff.

Sep22

I had an irrational thought in the middle of the night Monday in my AC bed that the woman that one of Dawg‘s friends is smitten for and about to marry is the bat shit CRAZIEST salesperson at my job. I was all ready to confiscate Dawg’s phone and call said friend in the middle of the night just to ask him his girlfriend’s last name. I resisted, but then this morning I had mulled over the idea of walking up to Bat Shit Crazy and asking her what her boyfriend’s name is. Dawg told me this can’t be the case, that his friend’s girl works in NJ, but… I’m not convinced until his friend shows me the proof that this fine lady isn’t the crazy lady at my work.

I WILL NOT REST!

Ok, yes I will.

Anyway.

Today was my first day in Manhattan during United Nations play time!!! whee!!!!! and I definitely noticed a security difference. I saw lots of extra police, and some guy carrying a Fed Ex package almost get mauled by a German Shepherd, and the cop holding the leash of said dog smirk at the guy. I did not care for that even a tiny bit.

I had something else to blog about that was on a more positive note but I totally forgotted it! :(

Still trying to remember.

Nope, not coming to my mind.

Well, I’ll tell you something else then. I’m pretty sure no one from VT is reading my blog anymore, but I just wanted to say (HIDE YOUR EYES IF YOU’RE EZA) that I got a late birthday present for EZA finally after resolving that I would not be able to return to VT before the snow flew, thus missing his August 25 birthday party. The gifts are on the way to me, and when they come to me I’ll package them up and send them off.

Gift 1 is already with me:
James' salt water taffy from Atlantic City

(That bottom box is his. The middle box went to my favorite salesperson who gave me a hug for it. The top box went to Dawg because he asked for it and I love him with all my heart.)

Gift 2 is a book EZA really needs to read because I’m confident he will come visit me and I know he will be interested in this subject:
A history of the NYC subway for grades 3-6 but he's super smart

Gift 3 is just way cool and any 7-year-old would love this:
41AF6CzX9CL._SL500_AA280_
I don’t know if I’ll add anything else, but probably at least a card. Love that little guy to tiny pieces and back. *sniffle*

Ok, off to have a party with @Rachel316 and @missbritt and @MsBatman! LATER!

Oh, hahahaha! I am totally writing in Sybil style (right?!) but I just remembered what I was going to write about. I’ll make that a whole notha post, k? k.

Happy whateverdaythis is, chicas and fuertes!

Poppy is drinking Duvel cuz she fucking feels like it, bitches.

I think you’ve confused me for someone who…

Feb4

…ever makes up her mind. I’m not keeping any particular blog template. I’m fucking around with templates until I find the one I like, if that ever happens. I hate the one I had. The cool features stopped working a long time ago and that’s enough to make me hate it. So, blog template: I HATE YOU. Plus the smilies stopped displaying after the 2.7 update so… meh.

…doesn’t know what she means. (Yes, contrary Poppy puts these two back to back. You love that about me.) So, the kid behind the counter at the Columbus Circle Barnes & Noble actually said to me of my Windows Server 2008 Inside Out purchase: “If you find you’ve purchased the wrong book for your server just bring us the receipt with the book.” Yah, no asshole. I really meant to buy that book, hence my schlep in the snowstorm all the way to your fucking store. And when I went back to my office I also really meant to buy Windows Server 2008 Terminal Services Resource Kit. But not from you.

…wants to watch you get your physical on. A few employees were having physicals performed in the lunch room. This included standing on chairs to be measured and HAVING THEIR FUCKING BLOOD DRAWN. One of the IT guys warned me what was going on in the lunch room and I almost fainted at the thought of it. Ask Dawg how I react to needles. Ask Dawg how I react to blood. Do it. Ask him. I think it would be hilarious to hear his side of Sunday’s sugar check.

…cares. Every time the salespeople at my company are absolute cuntyasswhores to me I laugh in their face. I do. It’s deserved. They need to be taught some fucking manners, but I’m not the person for the job, so I insult them by laughing at their abysmal social skills. I already worked another job where the people who made money for the company thought they were above everyone else. I don’t encourage that behavior in the least. Enjoy supporting yourself. Poppy don’t play that.

…hates cookies. I don’t hate cookies, I love cookies! I’d like an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie right now! But I’m kinda on this semi-diet right now (I knoooooow, I knowiknow) because I gained precisely 6.8 lbs over the holidays and when I add weight my back and leg starts to hurt so I need to nip that in the bud.

…doesn’t have healthcare. My insurance card arrived yesterday! w9999009999980000t! Going an entire month without insurance due to a “misunderstanding” was wildly uncomfortable. I was definitely much more careful about what I did with myself, though! And I saved $498! (Some of that was dental, which I also now have, but I think only $67 of it.)

…never thinks about her family. All day yesterday and today I’ve thought about my cousin who used to live in NYC, through college and at her first few jobs after, and who posted a profound piece of information about herself in her 25 random things about her on her Facebook page:

On 9/11 I took the subway home instead of walking across the 59th
Street bridge –neither seemed to be a particularly good option, and I
wasn’t wearing practical shoes. I now keep comfortable shoes at my
desk

Not only do I love how she wrote that, not only is it sound advice, but it brings me back to a day where I was worried sick about her because I didn’t understand how the city was laid out and that where she worked was absolutely nowhere near the towers. Did you know I now ride the subway train that goes to the World Trade Center 5 days a week? I do. And I think about that every day. But not about my cousin, so it’s good to think about her and know she’s safe. I should invite her to read my blog so she knows how much I care about her.

(I had to end my bitter ranty post with a little :love: :)

Back on my good side

Oct10

In my junior year of college I was still an animal science — pre-vet major so I was taking a required class called Farm Management because in Vermont you need to know how to farm, yo. In this class we all had to take a shift at the farm caring for the large animals. There was a cow rotation, a horse rotation, and a sheep rotation. We were not given an option of which animals we cared for, just a schedule planned out by our professor who also happened to be my advisor. My first rotation was the sheep. I showed up for my very first shift at 6:00am one September morning when the farm was in full swing inside, but not so much outside. I went down the hill to the sheep field and closed myself inside the fence to care for the 100 happy-go-lucky ewes … and the one ram.

The ram did not care for my arrival. He charged at me.

Luckily we had been taught in class to treat the ram like a bull and dodge him (and to show him absolutely no fear so he wouldn’t charge us in the first place, but I can’t help that he could smell my fear). I twirled to the ram’s right side, spinning so that I would be facing the same direction as he was, took my dominant left hand (thank you, Mom, for making me left handed), and grabbed that ram’s horn with all my strength. He shook his head as hard as he could to make me let go then started to try to kick at me with his front right foot. I nudged his side and didn’t let go of the horn then kicked him back and yelled in my most aggressive voice, “NO!” I tried dragging him to the gate opening so that I could get out of the fenced area by myself but I needed both hands to undo the latch keeping the gate closed and as soon as I let go of the ram’s horn he would try to charge me again. He got a few headbutts in before I gave up on this idea, grabbed his horn, and dropped the whole acting unscared thing, then started screaming “HEEEEEEEELP!” as louldly as I could.

There was no one around outside to hear me. Cows were cared for inside, far from the sheep field, and no one had arrived yet to care for the horses. I was completely alone with 100 ewes ready to be mounted and one very pissed off ram who didn’t want any competition for his ladies.

Ten minutes in I saw the TA for our class smoking a cigarette at the top of the hill. She heard me screaming. She looked down the hill at me. She turned away and kept smoking her cigarette. She finished her cigarette. She sauntered down. She asked me what was wrong. I pointed at the ram. She didn’t understand. I told her to open the gate and help me out of there. As soon as she opened the gate the ram charged at the gate so hard that he broke free from my hand. I ended up outside the gate and Miss “I Value a Good Morning Smoke More Than Helping Someone Who Might Be Dying” ended up inside the fenced area trying to dodge the ram.

[Insert nasty tirade that includes the words 'cuntiferous bitch got what she deserved' here.]

I dropped the class the next day. I hated rams from that day forward. Until Wednesday when I saw this commercial…

…and loudly giggled my tiny little head off. YAR. The ram is now good with me. Next time he should just ask for my gum, though.

Remember when I used to post lots of times a day?

Sep16

Yesterday Earl was having a conversation in his comments about the funniest SNL skit ever after which a funny skit was never written. (I’m paraphrasing.) Anyway, the skit in question was when Lindsay Lohan was at dinner with Debbie Downer and family at a Disney resort restaurant when everyone lost their shit and couldn’t stop laughing, making the skit 100 times funnier than it would have been otherwise. I give you that skit:


via videosift.com

This one time, on Seinfeld…

Aug28

Do you remember that episode of Seinfeld, “The Parking Garage,” where Kramer, George, Elaine, and Jerry all go to the mall together so Kramer can buy an air conditioner but no one remembers where they parked the car?

(That’s the entire episode. You’re welcome.)

Yah, that actually happened to me yesterday except I had no friends with me and I was carrying around a 3-in-1 printer and a ream of paper instead. I refused to ask anyone for assistance of any sort, I refused to panic, and I refused to abandon my purchase, so I walked up and down and around in circles for 45 minutes, only to finally put common sense to the test and realize I didn’t actually come up any floors when I entered the garage, so obviously my car was parked on the first floor.

I’m smart and stuff. Really. And yes, I do appreciate the irony. I feel slightly comforted that this happened to Jerry and the gang when they were in Jersey, out of their complete comfort zone.

And, yes, it is ok to laugh at me. I am, after all, here for your amusement. :winks:

Today’s adventure: Camping out at the apartment waiting for the electric company to arrive and replace the meter that was removed from the apartment between the last tenant’s occupancy and ours. The window of time given for them to arrive: 7:30am to 2:30pm. I’m bringing a coffee, a book, Chinese leftovers (tofu!), and a pillow.