I was born a Methodist and it never quite took. The only good thing that came out of my association with the Methodist church is that I got to crush on the same boy for 7 years of my younger life and that I continue to be invited to a barbecue and auction every July 4th at which most of my maternal family gathers. … Yup, that’s about it.

I’m not willing to admit my full philosophy about spirituality. I am willing to reiterate what I’ve mentioned before which is that I think Buddhism is the closest organized religion that matches my belief system. I won’t be enlightened in this life, but I’m confident I’ll come back a few steps closer in my next life.

Hay is Catholic and has all that Catholic guilt associated with it, which to me is such a foreign concept I can’t relate at all. Sure, I’ve had guilt in my life, but I seem to have lost it along the path of my life. It’s really just not anywhere to be found anymore, and I prefer my life this way. I’m not interesting in having my life ruled by fear, guilt, regret, Other People’s Rules. I do still follow basic societal rules, but I enjoy bending them a bit.

I’m really asking this more to myself, because it’s been bugging me a lot lately, but I am wondering: Will I ever be fully accepted by a Catholic if I myself never ever intend to be Catholic myself? If I live my life in a way that is so far from the life that a good Catholic is supposed to live? If I have such a different belief system that I quietly agree to disagree with your own? I definitely feel like an outsider on this one, and it bothers me that two people can be so incompatible but just because they have religion in common they are somehow more bonded than I can ever be just because of this one little matter of spiritual beliefs. And it bothers me that two people can be so compatible but religion will always divide them at a core level. Irritates the piss out of me, in fact.

Deep, I know. Happy Monday.